


CopDoc Jukebox

by Phoenix_Falls



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: Anthology, F/F, Gen, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:05:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2498978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenix_Falls/pseuds/Phoenix_Falls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of unrelated one shots based on random songs (but are not songfics) about CopDoc stuff. Some AUs. Rating set as M since I'm not sure what the individual ratings will be until I write it but the opening of every chapter has the song and artist what inspired it, a rating, any applicable content warnings and word count. I have no definite plans for how long this is going to be</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Modern Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Modern Romance” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. K+/T Rating for character death, grief, and angst. 995 words.

Tamsin knew it was going to happen. Not the exact situation, but the ending. The ending she always knew was going to happen. They both did. But the valkyrie was certain – in the foolish, naïve way that children and young lovers were certain – that she would have more time. Tamsin had never thought much about time before Lauren. What was the point in caring how you spent a year or twenty in the grand scheme of centuries and lives that were unfurling before her? But now, the ten years they’d been together – the last eight of which were spent married – seemed like the whole span of her life.

The last six months, Tamsin thought about time more than she ever had. Lauren had been so young, barely into her forty-fourth year. If she had been fae, she’d have still been practically a child. The valkyrie had made a million contingency plans since she had gotten involved with Lauren: she had plans for potential fae attacks tailored to different species, she had plans for human threats – muggers or kidnappers or buglers, she had plans for any serious wounds incurred in the various skirmishes their little group always seemed to get into, she even had plans for when Lauren was so old she might not even remember who Tamsin was. It seemed as though she had plans for everything except what had killed the human. 

That day, that horrible day, Tamsin didn’t actually recall much of since she had been running on autopilot the moment Lauren had collapsed to the floor without preamble while reaching for a glass in the kitchen cupboard. Tamsin didn’t remember dialing 911, but she must have because she remembered the ambulance screaming to a stop outside their house, which prompted her to open the door and let the paramedics in. She didn’t remember getting into the back of the ambulance with the medics and the gurney carrying the unconscious blonde, but she must have, because she remembered jogging after them through the emergency entrance to the hospital and nearly getting into a fistfight over being told to stay in the waiting room.

Even now, Tamsin couldn’t conceptualize how long she’d sat in the over-bright room, staring blankly at the swinging doors she wasn’t allowed through and mentally replaying the last week in as great detail as she could muster; searching for some sign that something had been off with her wife, some way she could have prevented whatever had happened. She couldn’t remember the worn looking doctor exiting the swinging doors and bidding her to follow him to a quieter area, but he must have, because she remembered being in a smaller side room beyond the swinging doors with him, listening to dumbed down medical jargon delivered in a voice clearly intended to be soothing and sympathetic.

Tamsin had tried to listen intently, but his voice sounded incredibly far away. She very clearly heard the phrase “I’m so sorry,” only vaguely registering “sudden cardiac arrest” and “no apparent cause at this time” after that. She dimly remembered dialing Kenzi and hollowly informing her of her location and that she needed to be picked up. She recalled the worry in her friend’s questions for more information at her flat, almost emotionless tone but Tamsin was feeling too disconnected from everything to have any semblance of conversation. She may have even hung up on the small woman mid sentence. She didn’t actually remember feeling anything at all since the moment Lauren had crumpled onto the kitchen tile until Bo pushed through the door with anxious queries and Kenzi in tow. Somehow, seeing her two friends and their worried expressions had snapped her out of her dissociative state and she immediately burst into tears.

Tamsin had been exceptionally close to Bo and Kenzi for over a decade and yet she could have counted on one hand the times they had seen her cry up till then, so they knew something was horrifically wrong. Tamsin didn’t remember what she’d said or how she managed to form words through her hysterics, but she must have because she remembered them all crying and clinging to each other. She didn’t know when they left that little room or when they got into Kenzi’s car, but they must have because she recalled collapsing on Bo’s living room couch and feeling guilty that she was grateful they hadn’t taken her home. Tamsin hadn’t asked to stay with the succubus but Bo seemed in no hurry to ask her to leave either so it was a full week before she stepped foot into her own house again. She made it as far as the end of foyer before sinking to her knees and crying tears she didn’t know she had left to spill.

That had been six months ago and Tamsin thought a lot more about time than she used to. Even though she was on her last lifecycle, barring any accidents in the dangerous situations she had been throwing herself into with an almost gleeful reckless abandon, she still had hundreds of years left. Maybe more. The years sprawling out before her seemed endless now. They seemed cruel, as the only promise they offered was to move her further from that little decade she’d had with Lauren. That’s how time was, of course. It was cruel to everyone; it stopped for those it shouldn’t while soldiering on relentlessly for everyone that had to go on without them.

But nothing ever lasts, especially time and while the sharp bitter ache in her chest had dulled slightly over the months through her family supporting each other, Tamsin took a morbid sort of comfort that eventually time would give her up as well. Until then, she’d remember things as minute as the sound of Lauren sighing in her sleep and the precise spectrum of brown trapped within her irises long after most would have forgotten her name. It was only a matter of time.


	2. Poor Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Poor Song” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. All human AU. Fluff. Mentions of Doccubus past. K+/T Rating for mild language. 3 413 words.

Lauren combed through Tamsin’s hair, gently tugging chunks of the tresses in the spaces between her fingers starting from Tamsin’s overheated scalp and ending just short of the tips of her hair before starting the pattern over again. For her part, the detective was dead to the world, one fevered cheek pressed just under Lauren’s collarbone and her left arm resting on the doctor’s torso with her hand tucked near her face, lightly gripping the material of Lauren’s oversized t-shirt.

Lauren shifted her raised knees slightly to be able to better turn the page of the scientific journal she had spread across her thighs without stopping her ministrations to the other woman’s hair. Tamsin had been asleep for the last fifteen minutes at least, but the doctor was reluctant to cease the soothing motions she’d started in efforts to entice the sick woman to slumber; worried that if she stopped, she’d wake her up. As if in response to her thoughts, Tamsin suddenly released her hold on the doctor’s shirt and balled her hand into a fist, pressing it to her mouth as her face contorted into a displeased grimace, letting out a long string of watery coughs that forced her to raise herself up on her elbow.

Lauren shifted automatically, the hand she’d been using to play with Tamsin’s hair falling to rub soothing circles and gentle pats on her back. She’d warned the detective often enough that if she insisted on not getting the flu shot Lauren tried to coax her into every year, then she shouldn’t be doing stakeouts in her car in the dry winter air without the heat on since the lack of humidity made it easier for viruses to enter the body through dry noses. While Tamsin had been fairly good at keeping the heat on in her own vehicle, whenever she was out with her partner, she stubbornly refused to ask him to turn the heater on for some reason that probably only made sense to her. So in the two years Lauren had known her, Tamsin caught a myriad of mild colds and at least one bout of the flu throughout the autumn and winter months without fail.

And without fail, Lauren took care of her when it was bad enough that she had to stay out of work more than a day, though since their friendship had moved to some level beyond that five months ago, she’d been taking care of the other woman from her own bed when she stayed over. The doctor smiled indulgently and threaded her fingers back through the silken hair on Tamsin’s head as her hacking fit passed, its end punctuated by a childish whine as she took up her previous position on Lauren’s chest. 

“If this is the one that finally kills me,” Tamsin croaked gravely with a sniff, her face flushed. “I want you to have my truck. And don’t let Kenzi say any stupid shit at my funeral.” She breathed in and out of her mouth forcefully a few times to exaggerate the wheezing tickle in her throat. “Listen to me; I’m dying for sure this time, doc.”

Lauren shook her head and laughed softly, lightly scratching the other woman’s scalp a few times before pulling her fingers through her hair again. “Well,” she started diplomatically. “I hate to say I told you so, but,”

“You _love_ to say I told you so.” Tamsin protested, cutting her off. “I have eight different versions of your I-Told-You-So lectures memorized.”

“You know, if you did the things I told you to once in a while, you’d hear them less.”

Tamsin blew air out of her mouth loudly, making her lips vibrate for a moment before tilting her head up and pressing them to the underside of Lauren’s jaw briefly. “Maybe,” she stretched her sore body and dropped her head on the bit of space left over on the doctor’s pillow. “But then how m’I supposed to get you to stay over for a week without a pity card to play?”

Lauren rolled her eyes and pinched the front of Tamsin’s baggy sweater between two fingers and pulled back, letting the material snap from her grip and sending a puff of air into the other woman’s face, smiling widely when Tamsin sputtered indignantly. “You _could_ just ask instead of being a brat and putting your health at risk.”

Tamsin sucked her teeth and shook her head. “What’s the fun in that? S’ides, how would I get you to stay over for a week _and_ that same week off work? C’mon, doc; you’re supposed to be the logical one out of the two of us.”

“ _Believe_ me, I am.” Lauren insisted, leaving a gentle kiss on the other blonde’s warm forehead to take any sting out of her dry delivery. She pulled away and leaned her upper body off the side of the bed to reach her phone on the nightstand to check the time, disregarding Tamsin’s petulant grousing when the arm she had under the detective’s head lifted, forcing Tamsin to have to sit up. “Do you want to eat now, or wait half an hour?” she asked, having learnt very early in their friendship that if she wanted to effectively coerce Tamsin into doing something to take care of herself, she had to give her an either or option instead of asking yes or no questions.

Tamsin made a disgusted noise though Lauren wasn’t sure if it was in response to not being offered a chance to say no or the idea of food. “Later.” She grumbled, pulling Lauren back towards her and dropping her head heavily onto her shoulder.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Tamsin running the tips of her ring and middle fingers from the crook of Lauren’s elbow down to her wrist and back again. Lauren tried to concentrate on the periodical in her lap, but the sensation on her arm was too distracting to wade through biologists’ argot so she tilted her head back and let her mind wander. Though the detective had only been living in the area a little over two years, Lauren had met her just a few months after she’d gotten there through her own close-knit circle of friends. Tamsin had transferred from another city to the local homicide department and ended up as partners with Dyson after his previous partner-slash-best friend, Hale had gotten a promotion. Dyson was the ex-slash-friend to her own ex-slash-friend Bo, who was best friends with Kenzi, Hale’s girlfriend.

It was this little makeshift family that Tamsin integrated with fairly seamlessly. The two of them had taken a relatively quick shine to each other, somehow swiftly falling into a dynamic that included copious amounts of playful flirtation. That was odd for Lauren because she usually felt comfortable with constant, shamelessly blatant flirtation only if she knew someone well, even if it wasn’t serious. Though it made a certain amount of sense since Tamsin seemed to draw the brazenness (and occasional ire) out of everyone around her. Somewhere along the way, Lauren really couldn’t be sure where, their teasing banter had turned completely earnest. Although they’d been doing whatever it was they were doing for a while now, they were still on the friends-with-benefits side of the fence as Tamsin had been upfront with everyone about her nature from day one. She didn’t do serious relationships.

She claimed to anyone who asked that they were silly and trite; that she liked to keep her options open in all things and any kind of romantic commitment would just hold her back in all things. But Tamsin had told Lauren, just between the two of them, that after her mother had left her and her father with no warning or explanation when she was nine, that she’d witnessed him completely fall apart and had spent the twenty years since watching him go through emotional hell with every subsequent relationship. 

Those were the only serious relationships she’d had a real life model for growing up, so naturally, Tamsin was terrified that was going to happen to her if she let anyone get too close; or as she had put it, if she ‘gave anyone too much control’ over her. She made a habit of ditching any kind of entanglement as soon as she felt one of them was getting too emotionally invested. So Lauren had known long before getting into something physical with the other blonde that Tamsin was likely never going to get serious with anyone, let alone her. Lauren’s friends had attempted to talk her out of getting romantically involved and getting hurt when it became obvious that their flirtation was more than joking. Even Tamsin had, in her own way, tried to warn her off by being unusually reticent once something happening between them became an unavoidable inevitability rather than just an idea. But despite their well-meaning caveats regarding things she already knew, Lauren had initiated the physicality between them anyway.

The more Tamsin endeared herself to her, the more Lauren was sure that her amorous affections were going to end up proving her friends right, but she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about the inescapable end. Just as Tamsin could see whomever she wanted, Lauren still occasionally went on dates with other women, but her heart just really wasn’t into seeing anyone else which was risky for the precarious situation she was in. The further she fell for the detective, the more likely it was that she was hastening separation, but it was the easiest thing in the world for Lauren to feel for the other blonde. Tamsin could empathize with her in a way that even Bo couldn’t and that leant itself to a fair amount of affection in its own right.

The two blondes had come from similar backgrounds; both were the only children from well off single parent homes where their parent was strict and domineering which left them with more than a few emotional anxieties and interpersonal problems (though Lauren covered her insecurities with feigned aloofness and Tamsin with sincere brashness). Both had had a detrimentally successful go at teenage rebellion in which they’d only just barely managed to avoid getting swept up into things that were legitimately dangerous; and both had endured emotionally abusive family members who were horrified when they’d decided to be open about being anything other than heterosexual; more because of the scandal it caused in their uppity, affluent social circles than anything else. It was terribly comforting to have that kind of approximate commiseration with someone and served only to link them in a way Lauren hadn’t been with anyone else. 

While she connected with her ex turned friend on a profound level, Lauren had started out dating Bo first and they had become friends after the fact; discovering the rawest parts of each other as their romance progressed. Given how deeply she felt for the brunette and how successful that arrangement seemed to have been, it was odd that it should work the other way around with Tamsin. Bo hadn’t thought so and had told her that it was only natural to fall for someone you cared for deeply, especially when you connected with them in such a way, though her ex had very gently but very firmly warned against acting on those feelings. Bo didn’t like the idea of the situation eventually exploding in Lauren’s face by wishing for something that wasn’t going to happen, nor was she thrilled about the idea of Tamsin feeling undue guilt for not being able to, or willing to, change when she’d been nothing but be honest about herself.  

At first Lauren had wholeheartedly agreed with Bo, and at any rate, it felt more important not to put their friendship through that kind of ordeal. She used to be able to effectively remind herself of bearing witness to Tamsin’s love em and leave em style and how every once in a while, the other person wasn’t the only one who came out of that arrangement confused and hurt. She didn’t want that for Tamsin _or_ herself. But eventually her feelings refused to be placated with sense and reason any longer. She would probably scold herself severely for being so stupidly careless with her own heart later, but she was certain she could deal with the fallout after it happened. Even if things were awkward and painful for a while--and given how Lauren felt, they definitely would be on her end--eventually it would be okay again. After all, she and Bo had had a rather messy and impressively dramatic breakup themselves and Bo was the best friend she’d ever had. However severe the wreckage with Tamsin was going to be, she was confident she’d work through it and couldn’t imagine herself regretting any of it even though she was positive she wasn’t going to like the coping part.

“Z’ere any of that ginger tea left?” Tamsin asked hoarsely, startling Lauren out of her thoughts mightily even though her voice was quiet.

“You drank the last of it when I came back from the lab earlier.” Lauren replied, tilting her head to the side to rest it on top of Tamsin’s. “It’s not late. I can go pick some up when you eat.”

“Eugh. Never mind.” Tamsin replied distastefully, quickly throwing her arm across Lauren’s waist as if she had to prevent her from leaving that second.

Lauren laughed and shifted her hip slightly to get the detective to loosen her grip. “You’re incredibly needy when you’re sick, you know that?” she teased.

Tamsin let out a long suffering groan and buried her face between the gap in the pillows on either side of the bed, mumbling a response that couldn’t be heard but the tone sounded flustered.

“What?” Lauren prompted, looking at Tamsin as if that would help her hear even though her face was still hidden. 

Tamsin lifted her head and let out a defeated sigh that turned into a wince like she couldn’t believe she was about to repeat herself and scooted back slightly to drop her head indelicately onto her own pillow, screwing her eyes shut briefly and avoiding Lauren’s gaze when she opened them. “I _said_ that maybe I just want an excuse to get a little clingy sometimes, okay?” she let out a morose hum briefly when she finally looked at the doctor and found her staring; frozen like a deer in the headlights and unease written all over her face. Tamsin waited for Lauren to say something and when she didn’t, rolled her eyes and took a deep breath that rattled slightly in her chest. “Look, how long have we been doing this, Lauren?”

Lauren shrugged apprehensively and looked up for a moment as if she were calculating the answer though Tamsin knew it was just for show. If she knew, Lauren definitely knew. “Five months.” The doctor said finally, the wariness in her voice barely concealed. She looked like she’d rather be heading in any other direction than the one this conversation was going in.

“Six next week.” Tamsin agreed, her lips twitching into the shadow of a smirk at the surprised look on the other blonde’s face. She drummed her fingers against Lauren’s abdomen for a moment, briefly losing her train of thought in favor of her abrupt want for some liquid courage. 

“I just mean,” she continued, trying to choose her words carefully. “I know you go on dates, obviously, but I also know you never go home with anyone and you never see the same chick more than twice.” She stifled a laugh when Lauren shook her head in an annoyed manner and huffed Kenzi’s name under her breath like she had just been betrayed. Tamsin swallowed her amusement and kept talking before Lauren had the chance to derail her from what she needed to say. “And I know _I_ haven’t been with anyone else,” she ignored the look of shock that the other blonde didn’t even attempt to mask. “So, we’ve basically been in a relationship this whole time, just without having talked about it, right?” she saw something light in Lauren’s eyes but it was gone in an instant as her mouth pulled into a frown.

“You want to stop.” It was a realization, not a question. Tamsin could tell Lauren was aiming for friendly acquiescence but dolefulness permeated her voice and colored her expression. Lauren narrowed her gaze at Tamsin, confused and annoyed when the detective laughed though it melted to concern as Tamsin’s soft chuckling dissolved into a short coughing fit.

“Yanno,” Tamsin ribbed after regaining her breath. “Sometimes you’re kinda oblivious for someone with a PhD.” She shook her head and moved so she was sitting up and could meet Lauren’s gaze levelly. “The thing is…” Tamsin trailed off and watched her fingers fiddle with the hem of Lauren’s shirt, seeming to find some resolve in the worn cotton before looking back up. “I _don’t_ wanna stop. And I can’t promise you I’m not gonna fuck up,” she lifted her eyes to the ceiling briefly and smiled self-deprecatingly. “I’m definitely gonna fuck up. But if you think you can be patient with me, I wanna do this.”

Lauren tilted her head to one side to study Tamsin, despite the hopeful and wild pounding of her heart in her ears she felt like even though it had been clearly spelled out, that she was somehow misinterpreting her, but Tamsin rarely looked so serious and so vulnerable at the same time. There was, of course, the very real possibility that Tamsin was acutely aware of just how deep Lauren’s feelings were yet wasn’t willing to cut her loose because of how close they’d become before this started. While Lauren wanted little else than to actually _be_ with Tamsin, she didn’t want to be an obligation or a cause for later resentment. No matter how enticing the offer, she wasn’t selfish enough to want to put their friendship through that particular trial by fire. She had never expected or wanted Tamsin to be anything other than Tamsin.

Lauren knew the other woman hated talking about or being needled about anything she deemed too personal, especially things she was self-conscious about and would generally go to great lengths to keep that from happening so decided to play to that and give her an easy out without having to talk about the reasoning too much. “What about what everyone’s going to say?”

Tamsin didn’t know if Lauren was referring to their friends, who she knew were chary enough about things between them as it was that she was very likely to have more than one of them give her a serious talking to and almost certainly on more than one occasion, or if she was referring to the carefree libertine reputation she had at the 39th Division that had made her a source of admiration amongst more than a few of her work buddies who would no doubt be making constant jokes at her expense for the foreseeable future. Maybe Lauren meant both. It didn’t matter. In the past, she would have had a million reasons to stop this from going any further before even contemplating any undesirable reactions that would do nothing but stir up her insecurities, but she didn’t want to bail this time. She actually hadn’t even thought of it until Lauren brought it up and was surprised to find she was genuinely unbothered and maybe more importantly, unafraid. She shook her head. “I don’t give a shit what anyone says about this except you.” 

Lauren turned away slightly, clearly trying to hide the pleased smile pulling at her lips lest it make her seem overeager, but her nod was enthusiastic as were the hands she set on either side of Tamsin’s face to pull the detective’s mouth to hers chastely. 

“You’re gonna get sick.” Tamsin murmured against Lauren’s lips but made no effort to pull away.

Lauren occupied herself with biting softly down on Tamsin’s lower lip to prevent herself from reminding the other woman that not only had _she_ had a flu vaccination like she was supposed to, they’d traded enough kisses in the last three days that if she were going to catch anything, it was already far too late to worry about it now. “Guess you’ll just have to take care of me then, hmm?”

“Anytime, doc.”


	3. Galaxies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Galaxies” by Laura Veirs. No mention of fae, so it could be read as an all human AU if that’s your thing. Fluff. K Rating. 929 words.

Tamsin only found out about Lauren’s ability to sing on accident. She’d let herself into the doctor’s apartment after work as she was wont to do these days and the other blonde had been hand washing a sink full of dishes, not hearing the door open and close over the noise of running water and her own voice. Tamsin picked her way carefully through the living room, following the sound as far as the entryway to the kitchen where she leaned against the doorjamb and crossed her arms with a small smile on her face, content to just watch her girlfriend for a while. She didn’t recognize what song Lauren was singing as she made small movements in time to the music, but her cheerful contralto had a charming untrained quality about it that found Tamsin convinced she’d have been just as thrilled if Lauren had been singing the ingredients from the back of a cereal box. 

Unable to resist the casual sway of Lauren’s hips any longer, the detective pushed herself off the doorframe and silently closed the distance between them, gently placing her hands on the shorter woman’s waist and chuckling lowly when Lauren jumped under her unexpected touch, though the doctor tilted her head to the side slightly to acknowledge the other woman. Tamsin rested her chin on one of Lauren’s shoulders and rocked slightly with her when she started a new verse while watching her hands move through the motions of cleaning the things in the sink and moving them to a wooden rack on an adjacent counter space.

She was never really sure why Lauren insisted on manually washing dishes when she had a perfectly functional dishwasher. Lauren had tried to explain it once; something about the repetitive motions of simple tasks and meditative states but honestly Tamsin hadn’t really been listening. It was absurd to expect her to have a coherent discussion about household chores when they were naked and Lauren was running an indolent hand up and down the side of Tamsin’s torso. Cruel, even. Lauren’s singing died down to inattentive yet dulcet humming once she’d finished the song and Tamsin pressed her lips to the space behind the doctor’s ear, nuzzling hair out of her way to do so. She was briefly immersed in the scent of Lauren’s hair, her mouth fixing itself into simpering smile when she registered the faint smell of her own shampoo rather than Lauren’s. 

The doctor shut off the water and her melodic humming turned into a final pleased drone that trailed off into nothing as she leaned further into the body behind her, both of them still swaying back and forth slowly for a quiet moment before Lauren pushed herself away from the sink, causing Tamsin to take a step backwards and drop her hands to her sides. Lauren turned around and smiled fondly at her girlfriend’s impish expression, playfully flicking the excess water on her hands at Tamsin’s face. The detective let out a surprised yelp and jumped away as if she could dodge the water after the fact. With a contrived glower on her face, she grabbed Lauren’s wet hands in both of hers and yanked her roughly across the little space between them, anchoring the smaller blonde in place by locking her hands behind Lauren’s back.

Lauren laughed and made an attempt to wriggle out of Tamsin’s embrace that was wholeheartedly insincere, resigning herself to her fate quickly and resting her arms over the taller woman’s shoulders while tilting her head up so she could kiss her properly. Lauren sighed happily and slid her arms down so one hand was pressing firmly into one of Tamsin’s shoulders as if that alone could pin her to the spot while the other was leaving damp trails across the soft skin of Tamsin’s cheek. The doctor felt warmth rise in her face as their tongues moved deliberately against each other and she let out a groan as she gruffly pulled Tamsin forward while she moved backwards to brace herself against the countertop.

It seemed like no matter how many times they kissed, Lauren always felt the rest of the world disappear around her and narrow down to only the two of them; like there wasn’t even any ground to stand on. The dizzying sensation of the loss of gravity made her feel like she was going to float away at any second, tethered only by the heat pooling low in her stomach and Tamsin’s hips sandwiching her firmly to the counter behind her. Lauren let herself get lost in the haze of insistent tongues and roaming hands for a while before breaking their long kisses into several short successive ones, pushing a palm gently against Tamsin’s chest which prompted her to loosen her hold and back away slightly. 

Lauren sucked in a deep lungful of air to help calm her erratic breathing and slipped her arms around the middle of the detective’s back, bringing their bodies together again and pressing the side of her head to Tamsin’s chest where she could immediately hear the other woman’s pulse thrum loudly and rapidly in her ear. She smiled as Tamsin’s arms looped around the tops of her shoulders and the detective pulled her forward as she shuffled gracelessly backwards towards the living room. Lauren allowed herself to be coaxed along but didn’t disentangle herself from Tamsin to make the short journey easier. This was it, Lauren thought as she was carefully but none too gently spun around and lowered to the couch. This was all she needed.


	4. Silence of the Setting Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Silence of the Setting Sun” by Amber Asylum. M rating for mild language, character death (and vivid description of that death), fantasy violence, blood, and angst. 5 356 words.

The quintet picked their way as silently as possible through the dense forest. The trees were so thick, that it was impossible to calculate time with any accuracy as only the thinnest beams of sunlight were able to squeeze through the thick canopy above them; lending an eerie twilight quality to their surroundings even in the middle of the day. They’d been relying almost totally on Dyson’s wolf senses for the past nine days, following the shifter as he moved several yards ahead of the group; picking his way along some kind of trail only he could perceive that would take them to their designated rendezvous point. Tamsin was behind him—the point to his scout—and keeping closer to the group proper. Her whole body was tense and poised like a stalking panther as she held a bastard sword in her hands, positioned to be able to use it at a moments notice.

Lauren and Kenzi had fallen into step beside each other easily behind the valkyrie, Kenzi’s hands tight around the grip of Geraldine while her nervous gaze swept back and forth for anything Dyson and Tamsin might have missed. Several meters behind the two humans and bringing up the rear, was Bo; her movements mirroring the valkyrie ahead of them as the elder blonde had taught her. In her dominant hand, she held a survival knife loosely but confidently and though her left was empty, it constantly twitched near the handle of an additional knife secured to her thigh. The succubus’ head tilted every once in a while, listening cautiously to every disturbance of leaf litter and snapping of twigs behind them, ever on the look out for a rear ambush. 

Lauren’s role in the group was mostly for medical support, but she’d had to use the qama in her hand borrowed from Bo more than a few times over the past week. She wasn’t exactly sure where they were geographically speaking. Somewhere in or near Eastern Europe for sure, but this far out, country borders were nothing more than a nebulous concept of imaginary lines drawn on paper and meant little to nothing to anyone who actually lived out here. The group had been sent to retrieve a vaguely explained, but apparently very important artifact that had been stolen during the combining of the Light Fae and Dark Fae archives upon the execution of the practical portion of the new alliance between the two systems. 

The resulting Twilight Council which presided over both Dark and Light systems as a representative tribunal hadn’t even realized the unimpressive looking stone that was now safely tucked away on Bo’s person had been missing until a follow up inventory had been done at the new archival warehouses four months after the formal signing of the alliance treaty. Bo had volunteered her services, ever wanting to prove that this new system could and would work, and the rest of them had fallen in naturally around the succubus. After everything they’d been through together, especially during the uncertain months after the shaky solidifying of unification, they were a family. Where one went, another was sure to follow until they were all together; all watching out for each other. 

That was the most important thing right now, watching out for each other. While Lauren wouldn’t be able to point out exactly where they were on a map, she knew with crystal clarity that they had been dangerously ensconced in vilkacis territory since the fae at the travel agency had shimmered them to the last estimated whereabouts of the artifact. The vilkacis were wolfish underfae distantly related to Dyson’s species but where the wolf shifters had control over their physical forms, vilkacis’ were wolves all the time. Monstrous, bipedal, warlike wolves who were currently pretty pissed off at the little cadre for stealing back what they viewed as rightfully theirs on the dissolution of the original Light-Dark peace treaty.

They were on the vilkacis’ home territory and that put them at a terrible disadvantage from moment they’d set foot to forest floor. The only thing really working in their favor was that the vilkacis were so incredibly violent that they couldn’t even stand each other and rarely traveled in groups of more than three. It was honestly a small wonder that outside some nasty bone bruises and a few stitched cuts that would heal, no one had been gravely injured yet. Lauren pushed that thought out of her mind, not wanting to jinx the situation. She wasn’t ordinarily a superstitious person, but given the circumstances she wouldn’t begrudge herself any kind of extra protection even if it was silly.

They came to a stop as Dyson held up a balled fist without turning around, signaling with a flick of his wrist and three extended fingers that he was going to check something out. As with every other time they’d stopped to allow Dyson to investigate whatever his senses picked up, the remainder of the party closed ranks. Tamsin took several large steps backwards while Bo strode forwards and turned around, the two humans moving together so they were back to back and the group could effectively keep an eye on everything around them. Lauren watched Dyson slip stealthily into a particularly thick copse of trees, gone from her sight almost instantaneously. 

She wanted to rest, to sit down for at least a few minutes, but even if they had that kind of luxury, it wasn’t worth it. Dyson had informed them several hours ago during a brief respite that he was certain they were very close to the rendezvous point and would make it back home before the day was done. The relief that had flooded through Lauren had been short lived, quelled quickly as the shifter pointed out that they hadn’t run into any problems in a couple of days and that concerned him. The vilkacis knew they had the artifact now. It should be harder getting out than it was going in and their lack of trouble was, well, troubling. None of them would be able to truly relax until they were back in the safety of civilization no matter how close they were.

Tamsin turned to look at the doctor, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow in question, asking Lauren if she was okay. Lauren nodded immediately and the valkyrie regarded her skeptically, throwing a pointed look at the neat tear in the upper right thigh of her jeans which showcased a dirty white bandage through the flap instead of skin. Lauren had been sliced open with a wicked looking dagger during their last encounter with the vilkacis while shoving Kenzi out of the way of a blow and the deep wound had needed stitches. Truth be told, her whole thigh was incredibly sore and walking not only hurt, but also aggravated the wound as it rubbed against the loosening bandages and scraped the edges of hole in her pants. There was nothing that could be done about it now, though. They didn’t have the time, the resources, or the safety to worry about the proper care of something non-life threatening.

Lauren studied the valkyrie’s face for a moment; Tamsin’s head was still cocked to one side but her curious expression was now showing concern for whatever she had read on the doctor’s face. They’d all become necessary experts on nonverbal communication during their time in the woods. Happily for them, the vilkacis didn’t have a particularly keen sense of smell, but their hearing was beyond even Dyson’s so they rarely spoke and when they did, it was only in hushed whispers.

Lauren frowned slightly, knowing that Tamsin’s fretfulness wasn’t exactly unwarranted. She _did_ need to check on the wound; she hadn’t since yesterday morning and it hadn’t even been cleaned since it happened. It needed to be redressed at bare minimum and she could tell just from the angry throbbing still radiating from the wound and spreading out up to her hip and down to her knee that it was definitely inflamed. It was highly likely that it was mildly infected at the very least but she didn’t want to stop any longer than they had to. She just wanted to get the hell out of here and felt like she could wait until they were safe to fuss about it. Shrugging in response to Tamsin’s unvoiced question, Lauren offered a tightlipped smile and shook her head, indicating that she was fine 

Tamsin’s action ready stance relaxed minutely as she rolled her eyes and shook her own head, turning away from Lauren to nudge Kenzi gently. The lithe human—who was dressed more practically than Lauren had known was ever possible for her—nodded when Tamsin jerked her chin towards Bo and alerted the succubus to their silent conversation by a soft touch on her arm.

The Valkyrie drew Bo’s gaze to Lauren and then angled her head sharply towards a thick circular stand of trees that would provide some added defensible cover. The succubus nodded her understanding immediately, her features clouding with concern briefly as the four of them moved together towards the temporary hiding spot. Kenzi and Bo stayed in front of the obvious opening to the tiny grove, turned slightly away from each other while Tamsin moved easily past Lauren, bidding her to stay put for a moment with a gentle touch on her hip. The Dark Fae disappeared for a few moments and when she reappeared, her sword was clasped to her side though not fully sheathed and she pulled Lauren into the hidden clearing by her elbow, leading them between two ancient boulders to an even more sheltered space Lauren hadn’t seen even though they’d all been standing practically on top of it. 

The acoustics of the closed in space were better so the sound of even her own breathing seemed unnecessarily loud in the dead silence causing Lauren to hold it for a moment in worry. Tamsin didn’t seem concerned though the coiled tenseness of her posture and wary alertness that had been her default position since their first encounter with the vilkacis was still present. But if the valkyrie felt comfortable enough to put her sword away, even partially, that was as good an indicator of safety as anything. Lauren let herself breathe normally and turned so Tamsin could retrieve the necessary medical supplies from the lightweight rucksack on her back while she went about undoing her belt and carefully tugging her jeans down only far enough to allow unfettered access to the wound site.

Tamsin had become her unofficial field nurse ages ago, during the near constant skirmishes in the weirdly lawless span of time before the creation of the Twilight Council. The valkyrie had a decent working knowledge of battlefield medicine, which was unsurprising, but the patience she exhibited even to those outside their core group during field care was. Lauren quickly uncovered the laceration, refusing to look at it as Tamsin got down on one knee in front of her, the toes of the foot behind her digging into the ground in case she had to jump up suddenly.

Lauren examined Tamsin’s face instead of the wound, watching the other blonde’s mouth pull into an unconscious frown as she quickly removed a clean alcohol wipe from its package, glancing up briefly at the doctor with a look that clearly conveyed that this next part was probably going to hurt. Lauren nodded and tucked her lower lip between her teeth in preparation for the sting, sucking in a sharp breath through her nose as it came. The throbbing pain increased and warmed, alerting her to the reality of infection. Even though the wound had been constantly bandaged, because it hadn’t been changed or cleaned, there was dirt caked around the stitch site which prompted the Valkyrie to use more pressure in her cleaning methods. Lauren tried to concentrate on anything other than the biting soreness rippling through her body as she fought to keep her breathing deep and even.

She tried to focus her thoughts on the hand Tamsin had behind her thigh instead. The other blonde was using it to keep Lauren’s leg steady and the pad of her thumb was running soothingly mindless patterns across the skin it could reach in an effort to offer some small comfort. Lauren felt her mind disconnect from the pain a little as her attentions narrowed on the ministrations of the thumb’s short journey back and forth. Judging from the look on the valkyrie’s face, Lauren knew the action was being done subconsciously—more out of a desire to take care of Lauren than to keep her quiet—and the doctor smiled slightly in spite of the uncomfortable pain. 

She and Tamsin had been skirting the edge of something serious since even before the unification and Lauren, having made her own feelings quite clear, had been patient while waiting for the other blonde to come to some sort of official decision about them on her own. Tamsin was an unquestioned part of their group, their _family_ , and had been so for long enough that it was more than a tad ridiculous that she still doubted anyone’s affection for her, but the valkyrie was a self-admitted mess emotionally and for all her cockiness, she was constantly second guessing herself and her place. She had to consciously work incredibly hard at not pushing people away when they got close.

It was frustrating, but the two of them had made a lot of progress in the last several months and if this week had highlighted anything, it was that Lauren was tired of doing this unsure two-step with Tamsin’s insecurity and when they got back from this mission, they were going to sit down and _really_ talk; even if Lauren had to lock her in a room to do it. She looked away from Tamsin’s face, which was the perfect image of intense concentration and settled her gaze on her thigh while the valkyrie got clean dressing ready. The stitches had been made by Tamsin and weren’t as neat or precise as Lauren’s, but they did what they were supposed to and were doing an expert job at keeping her swollen skin together.

Lauren had intended to do the stitching herself but abandoned the idea after she’d seen how deep the cut was, knowing that the cleaning process was going to be painful to the point that she wouldn’t be able to focus properly afterwards. It was likely she was going to have a pretty visible scar, but it was certainly better than the alternative.

Tamsin quickly bandaged the wound, frowning slightly at the involuntary hiss Lauren let out as the gauze brushed across the line of thick stitching. The valkyrie rose unceremoniously from her position on the ground, pulling Lauren’s jeans up to her hips on her ascent; answering the doctor’s amused eyebrow raise with a shrug and a smirk. Lauren let her arms hang uselessly at her sides while Tamsin stood unnecessarily close as she set about securing her pants again. She jerked Lauren closer under the pretense of buttoning the top of the human’s jeans and tilted her head down so their mouths were nearly touching.

“I’d really rather be taking these off.” Tamsin whispered while sliding Lauren’s belt together.

Lauren rolled her eyes in spite of the electrified shiver that ran down her spine and eliminated the gap between them briefly to kiss the other woman. “I bet.” She murmured just as quietly, stepping back and shaking her head in amusement at the half concealed grin on the other woman’s face; she always did have a knack for flirting at the most inopportune times.

“S’gonna scar.” Tamsin pointed out, drawing her sword again and briefly squeezing Lauren’s free hand as she moved past her to take point.

“I’ll live.” Lauren replied nonchalantly, shifting her shoulders to redistribute the weight on her back.

Tamsin paused at the space between the two boulders and rounded back on Lauren, pulling her forward with a hand on her lower back and kissing her again. It was stupid to do this, they weren’t safe by any means and wouldn’t be until they reached the ingress point at the designated rendezvous, but that didn’t stop her from opening her mouth to catch Tamsin’s tongue when it darted out to taste the skin of her lower lip. 

“Yeah, you better.” The valkyrie belatedly replied to Lauren’s assessment when she reluctantly pulled away from the doctor. “We’ll be home soon.”

Lauren nodded and lifted her free hand to trace the line of Tamsin’s jaw. “When we get back, you and I… we need to,”

“Talk.” Tamsin finished, nodding her head in agreement and reaching up to grip Lauren’s wrist gently, pulling the shorter blonde’s hand away from her face and kissing her palm. “Yeah, I know. I’ve kinda had my head up my ass, huh?” She smiled ruefully.

Lauren breathed out a quiet chuckle and shrugged. “I wasn’t going to say it, but since you mention it…”

Tamsin bumped the doctor with her hip and brought her weapon back to the ready, muttering ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’ under her breath though she sounded oddly relieved rather than annoyed. “You ready to get the fuck outta here, or what?” she asked, looking at Lauren over her shoulder and turning around when she was given an enthusiastic nod in response.

They made their way back to where Bo and Kenzi were standing guard, Dyson having returned and waiting for them several yards away. His posture was tense, but no more so than had become usual so whatever he had been checking on must have been all right. Bo stepped back so the two blondes could get by and gave Lauren a look full of questioning worry. Lauren gave her a small smile while simultaneously nodding and shrugging, letting the brunette know that while she was still hurt, everything was as fine as it was going to get for the moment. Bo returned the smile, tipping her head gratefully to Tamsin as she resumed her position at the rear of the group.

They carried on in silence, following Dyson as he followed his senses until several hours later when the shifter turned and offered the group a smile that could be considered broad as long as you knew him. He tapped his wrist like he was indicating the face of a watch and held up four fingers. They’d made it to the rendezvous point, another four minutes to the ingress, and they’d be able to breathe again. 

Lauren shot a look at Kenzi and they shared a relieved smile, the younger woman opening her mouth with a loud breath of air as if to offer a pleased comment but a sudden shout from Dyson caused them both to redirect their attention. The shifter was barreling towards them, his hands clawed at his sides and his head turned to look at something deeper in the woods to the side of the group. Lauren registered the snapping of branches to her right and tightened her grip on the qama as she turned to find five vilkacis’ loping quickly towards them, growling angrily and two of them brandishing edgeless short swords.

The group immediately moved away from each other in order to not make themselves easy targets and to give themselves enough room to fight. By vilkacis standards, this was a very large group and they must have been trailing them from the last fight several days previous when one of them had escaped during battle. Lauren looked over to find Kenzi gripping Geraldine tightly in front of her but keeping close to the doctor, the two humans having decided early on to stay close to each other to free up their stronger fae companions for the more intense melee.

“Give us the stone!” The vilkacis leading the charge roared, his words only just barely intelligible through the deep gravel of his voice.

“Eat shit, mongrel!” Tamsin shouted back, her tone thrilled with the anticipation of battle as she darted forward with Dyson while Bo planted herself between the vilkacis’ and the two humans.

Lauren’s hearing was dimmed abruptly by the sound of the blood rushing through her ears, resulting in a high pitched hum that was loud but still didn’t drown out Tamsin’s almost playful laugh as she easily side stepped a clumsy attempt by the lead vilkacis to run her through with his sword. She let his own momentum cause him to stumble forward and neatly pushed her sword between his ribs with both hands and a feral grin. Unfortunately, this left her unguarded and as she was tugging her sword from the dead wolf at her feet, another swiped at her with his massive claws, catching the Valkyrie in the shoulder and easily tearing through the fabric of her shirt to the meat underneath.

Tamsin yowled angrily and jerked her body away from her attacker, smashing her left elbow straight into his muzzle, all mirth gone from her as the vilkacis’ head snapped back with the force of the impact. Lauren turned her attention away from the other blonde, satisfied that while the gashes on her shoulder were deep and likely very painful, she wasn’t in any immediate medical danger and the pain didn’t seem to be hampering her ability to fight. Dyson was nearby anyways, snarling while he throttled a vilkacis who had been attempting to help his companion with Tamsin.

Lauren shared a look with Kenzi who gave the doctor a tight nod with a ‘let’s do it’ and they separated to flank the huge underfae who was giving Bo some trouble. The succubus was jumping and dodging as the vilkacis alternated between trying to shove his weapon into her gut and taking swipes at her face with a huge hand tipped with deadly claws.

As Bo hopped backwards to avoid another thrust of his sword, Kenzi brought Geraldine down on his extended arm heavily, the blade sliding through thick fur and tensed muscle like butter. The wolf let out a bloodcurdling howl as he dropped his sword in surprise and flung his injured arm at Kenzi, his upper body rotating fully with the force with which he connected to the small human. Kenzi groaned loudly as she was flung backwards several meters, landing hard on her back, her head bouncing painfully on the ground.

While he was turned, Lauren took the opportunity to plunge the wide blade of her own weapon into the meat of the wolf’s thigh, not ceasing her assault until the tip of the qama protruded on the other side of his leg. The vilkacis screamed again and turned to backhand the doctor with his other hand, throwing her backwards as well. She landed sharply on her side, crying out in pain as the wound on her thigh strained when her muscles contracted on impact with the ground. The vilkacis was staring at her murderously and she spit a mouthful of blood onto the forest floor, tensing as he geared up to rush her before she could stand. Even with his severe injury she was sure she wouldn’t be able to stand all the way by the time he reached her.

He took exactly one rage filled step towards her and then Bo was on him, slicing open his neck with her survival knife, a loud grunt displaying her efforts. Blood burbled in his throat loudly for a long moment and Lauren found herself irrationally fearful that he wasn’t going to go down, but he finally stumbled backwards, eyes rolling back before he fell anticlimactically to the ground.

Kenzi waved Bo off from her spot on the ground where she was coughing air back into her lungs and gingerly rubbing the back of her head. Bo nodded and rushed over to Lauren, gently helping her up and wincing in sympathy when the doctor let out a pained whimper on putting weight on her injured leg. She couldn’t tell how many stitches she’d ripped open, but could feel blood trickling out of the wound and it had already started to color the bandage applied to it.

Lauren nodded at Bo’s worried gaze before the succubus could formulate a question. “I’m fine.” She insisted, rocking her weight to her opposite foot.

“You’re fine,” Bo repeated, unconvinced, but she let go when Lauren gave the brunette a watery smile and they glanced around to visually check on their friends as the sounds of skirmish had died down to naught. Even the forest itself seemed startled into silence, leaving an unsettling hum of nothing in its wake.

Kenzi was standing again, toeing the body of the wolf that had been attacking Bo roughly with the tip of her hiking boot while holding onto the back of her head with a scowl. Lauren saw Bo move away from her out of the corner of her eye to verify that her surrogate sister was as okay as she’d implied and Lauren’s gaze swung to Dyson who was the next closest, the shifter giving her a genial nod. The front of his shirt was in tatters and bloody from the claw marks visible on his chest. He followed Lauren’s eyes to the gashes and cringed as if just realizing he’d been sliced open, casting a glance that could only be described as annoyed at the dead vilkacis at his feet.

Lauren shook her head at him and scanned the area for Tamsin and finding the valkyrie immediately standing behind the two wolves she had killed. She was craning her neck to try and get a better view of the wounds in her shoulder; somewhat resembling a dog going after its tail that it couldn’t quite reach. Tamsin rotated her wounded arm experimentally; wincing at the pain it brought and lifted her good shoulder in a shrug, accepting her injuries gracefully for now. She must have felt Lauren’s gaze on her because she looked over suddenly, a dopily relieved smile crossing her features as their eyes met.

“Y’alright?” Tamsin called out, nodding once when Lauren answered in the affirmative.

The doctor frowned involuntarily as the thought that something wasn’t right flittered through her mind. Everyone seemed okay, more or less, so why did something feel so _off_? Her heart stopped as her train of thought crashed headlong into realization and she waved her hands uselessly, trying to get her throat to unfreeze and give her back her voice.

“There’s only four bodies!” Lauren yelled finally, her voice shrill with panic. She watched a brief moment of confusion come over Tamsin’s features before it dawned on her as well. There had been five vilkacis in that group.

The valkyrie had just started to bring up her weapon again when the fifth wolf sprung out from behind two thick trees, brandishing the short sword the first of them had dropped when Tamsin had felled him. Lauren was surging forward on instinct before her brain really processed the scene, wanting to help Tamsin even though she was injured and weaponless. Tamsin noticed Lauren’s anxious limping sprint and turned her head too late to stop the vilkacis from stabbing her from behind.

The valkyrie let out an anguished shout, millennia of muscle memory causing her to thrust her sword behind her, impaling the wolf who dropped to his knees before falling gracelessly on his side; dead. Tamsin looked down at herself, pressing a hand just below her breastbone and pulling it away to look at it like she expected blood, but there was none. The Dark Fae looked up at Lauren, who hadn’t slowed her pace despite her leg screaming in pain and further ripping her stitches for her efforts. There was a desperate, repentant look in Tamsin’s eyes and Lauren heard herself repeating the word ‘no’ like a mantra as the valkyrie pressed her hand back to her chest and dropped down to her knees with a confused frown.

Lauren reached the other blonde just as Tamsin had given in to gravity and let it pull her the rest of the way to the ground to lie on her side. The doctor felt panic knot in her throat as she dropped to her own knees next to Tamsin, ignoring the final tear of the stitches in her thigh and leaning over to look at the valkyrie’s back. Blood was oozing out of the single thrust delivered just to the left of her spine and Lauren shook her head wildly, knowing that there was no way to know how much damage had been done with what was available on hand. There wasn’t any time. They needed a hospital and they needed it three minutes ago.

Tamsin’s watery cough brought Lauren’s attention back to the Dark Fae’s face. Her eyes were glassy and blood coated the inside of her mouth, dripping indelicately from the corner of her lips and staining her teeth.

“No, goddammit!”  Lauren shouted, not caring that her tone was cracked and pleading. Her entire universe had narrowed down to the valkyrie’s face, she hadn’t even noticed Bo slide to her knees above Tamsin; cradling the her head in her lap and smoothing a loose strands of hair from her face that were sticking to the blood from her mouth.

“S’alright.” Tamsin managed, her voice labored, her breathing wet and ragged. “Hey, c’mon,” she continued soothingly, lifting a hand to brush away the tears that were racing down Lauren’s cheeks and blurring her vision while trying to blink back her own.

Lauren gripped Tamsin’s wrist and pressed her lips to the palm of her hand in a mirror of what seemed like aeons ago in the clearing.

“Don’t cry, doc.” The valkyrie pleaded, flecks of blood spraying from her mouth as she coughed again.

Lauren leaned down to press their lips together, beyond caring that she was coating her mouth in Tamsin’s blood.

“Hey,” Tamsin said weakly when Lauren pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. Her voice was strangely upbeat and Lauren nodded for her to continue, daring to feel hopeful at the tone. “I love you, yanno?”

A hysterical sob wrenched itself from Lauren’s throat as she palmed Tamsin’s cheeks and rested their foreheads against each other. The valkyrie had never said it before, but she _did_ know. She did know and Lauren had to tell her she loved her, had loved her for some time, before it was too late. To apologize for not saying it sooner, for being afraid she’d scare her off when it had been so obvious that wouldn’t happen. They’d wasted so much time.

“Tamsin,” Lauren started, her voice thick in her throat. “I,” she choked on the lump of sorrow that refused to allow her to speak, nearly hyperventilating in her attempt to get words out.

“Shh, I know.” Tamsin interrupted; using what little strength she had left to close the small distance between them in another chaste kiss. “I know, Lauren.”

Lauren smoothed the pads of her thumbs over the valkyrie’s wet cheeks, wanting to tell her anyway. _Needing_ to. Needing to do anything to ease the guiltily apologetic look on Tamsin’s face. Lauren opened her mouth at the same time Tamsin started an ugly sounding hacking fit, the force of her coughing and the blood filling her throat causing her to dry heave and convulse. 

Lauren could do nothing but reach down with one hand and grab one of Tamsin’s, tangling their fingers together as tears slipped unchecked from her eyes. Tamsin’s horrific coughing ended with a grateful sigh and her eyes met Lauren’s for a moment, the green depths bright and loving even though her expression was undeniably regretful. Lauren felt a gentle squeeze from the hand in hers and then the valkyrie’s whole body went heavy and slack, the life in her eyes fading like a dimmer switch turning down until it was gone, her blind gaze focused on some point just above them as if she had seen something. Something not permitted for the vision of the living.


	5. Your Honor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your Honor” by Regina Spektor. Drama-ish. Sort of fluff. Lightweight character study (Lauren). AU. T/M Rating for hella F-bombs, mentions of emotional/physical abuse, physical injury, brief angst. 9 133 words.

Lauren let out a contended sigh and leaned half her body off the side of the couch where she had been laying to return her mostly full beer bottle to the coffee table before pressing herself as far into the back of the plush couch as she was able. She let her head fall onto the overstuffed armrest and refocused her attention on the flat television screen set on the wall above the entertainment center across from her. It was still a little odd having regularly scheduled nights off—even over a year later. Honestly, she had been skeptical about ever having free time again when she’d first become a ward of the Morrigan. When Hale had become acting Ash, one of his first official actions had been to trade her slavery contract to Evony.

Even though they hadn’t been dating anymore, Bo had still been angrier than Lauren could ever recall seeing her. Lauren had been deeply hurt by the announcement and had told Bo straight away because the succubus was her best friend and she needed that support. She’d felt betrayed by Hale, who she had assumed was her friend as well. She had expected Bo to be angry, hell, she had been angry too, but she’d not anticipated having to jog after her ex-girlfriend to keep up as she raged through the compound on her way to the Ash’s quarters. It was a good thing Lauren had, too. She’d been able to keep Bo from throttling the siren long enough to get an explanation out of him.

The original terms of Lauren’s enslavement were that her servitude was voided only on Nadia’s cure or death. After her re-pledging—which she’d come to find out after Nadia was killed had been made under Lachlan’s manipulation—her second contract was still valid even though it had been requested while being deliberately misinformed. Under the conditions of her recommitment to the Light after Nadia had been “cured,” her fealty to a fae entity could only be voided on her own death. It held as a still valid contract because that part had been _her_ choice, not Lachlan’s demand, though her choice had been orchestrated by the fact that Lachlan had told Bo some cock and bull story about if she told Lauren how the curse was lifted, it would render the lifting ineffective. Regardless, Lauren knew now as she did then, that even if Bo had known she could have told her about the curse, she would have recommitted anyways. She had been in the fae world too long to safely (or sanely) go back; long enough that Nadia had thought her a different person (and really, hadn’t she been?) and she knew she never wanted Bo out of her life no matter what capacity the brunette was in it so while her decision to renew her fealty had been exceedingly quick, it hadn’t been thoughtless.

As Hale had access to all of Lachlan’s dealings per his new duties, he’d poured over Lauren’s contract for months, looking for a way to free her up as much as he could, knowing that even if he terminated her fealty she wouldn’t leave; but as a human, even as instrumental to the fae community as she was, she needed to have the protection of an unquestioned authority. Lachlan had tightened every bit of laxness he felt his predecessor had been too free in giving her (when he had called her chattel, it hadn’t been just to be callous or remind her of how far below him she was. He truly thought of her that way and made no qualms about treating her accordingly). Hale had eased as many of the restrictions as he could, but he was still not only tied by the bureaucratic system he was forced to operate in due to the language of the contract, but he was only acting Ash and didn’t want to be a permanent one. Whoever came in after him was free to tinker with Lauren’s contract—with her _life_ —as they saw fit, but only if Hale tampered too much with Lachlan’s original draw out since it would be considered an attempt at a new contract which would void everything he’d done.

So once Lauren managed to soothe Bo away from the edge (and get her to put the knife down), Hale had not only explained all this, but also that true to aspirations he’d already been displaying in other areas of Light-Dark cooperation, he’d brought the matter up with Evony. If anyone could slick their way out of such a tight situation, it was her and he’d honestly valued her advice. What had ended up coming out of their meeting instead of a way to finagle around Lachlan’s bindingly exact phrasing, was a new contract altogether. One that would be allowed to be drawn by giving Lauren’s fealty to the Dark. New alignment meant a new contract was required and while Evony had no real interest in the levels of brute abuse Lachlan did (or even the subtle abuse of his predecessor); Hale had advocated hard for the doctor and in the end, they had come to an agreement.

Still a slave contractually, Lauren hadn’t even known the proceedings were taking place and wouldn’t have been allowed to request anything or be present if she had, but she had not mistaken Hale’s friendship at all. If anything, she’d underestimated the siren. She was to officially owe her fealty to the Morrigan but would not be required to wear any symbols denoting such. Lauren had not been allowed to take off the Ash’s symbol for _any_ reason. In fact, in the entire seven years she’d been owned by the Light, the necklace had come off exactly four times before. Once in the early days when she’d taken it off at night like any other piece of jewelry, the consequences having convinced her to never do that again. Once when Bo had torn it from her neck the first time they’d made love. Once after Nadia had awoken before she re-pledged herself, and once when she’d thrown it at Lachlan. Evony had been incredibly flippant about this detail and it had been easy to obtain. According to her, she didn’t need to put her name on anything she owned and didn’t shackle any of her slaves. If something or someone was hers, everyone in the Dark community knew it and knew to respect that or suffer. She absolutely wasn’t above manipulating her wards (or anyone for that matter), but abhorred the idea of psychologically disassembling them for no good reason. She claimed it made them prone to disloyal backstabbing and to her credit, had used Lauren as a textbook example of such. 

Lauren was to be worked only typical hours for someone of her senior ranking and duties at the medical lab and Evony had surprised Hale by including a clause that Lauren was paid for her work as well. It wasn’t even what some of the fae scientists under her were making, but it was something that if she’d been fully ensconced in the human world wouldn’t have left her put out. The Dark Fae leader had explained away Hale’s suspicion easily as _he_ saw it as something Lauren had been long past owed while Evony saw it as a way to not have to keep the doctor under constant supervision and ‘eating up resources’ when she could just go out and do things herself. The Morrigan honestly couldn’t understand why the Ash’s thought they were so fabulously superior to her when they’d constantly forego proper management of assets just to psychologically torture a human. She’d felt it was horribly uncouth. Though when Hale had pressed for Lauren to still be allowed to work with Bo within far reaching reason and with the Light occasionally on a request approval only basis (her contributions to the fae as a whole weren’t acknowledged, but were known and Hale knew they’d be losing a valuable resource in Lauren), Evony had given into that only under the stipulation that any time and resources lost while working with Bo were to come out of his personal funds as Hale Santiago rather than the Ash and that Lauren’s compensation for any work done with the Light came from the Light (she ‘wasn’t running a charity, darling’).

The two fae leaders had haggled all day and partway into the evening. The resulting contract had given Lauren a life that could be considered normal given the abnormal nature of her arrangement to begin with. In fact, it was because of that meeting that Evony actually started to be less of a grudging participant with ulterior motives in Hale’s efforts to foster some unity between the Light and the Dark. Lauren was still a slave, but most of her freedoms weren’t illusory anymore. Even Bo, who didn’t trust the Morrigan as far as she could throw her (and she’d speculated on that distance more than a few times), had been pleased once she’d had the necessity of continued slavery explained to her at least a dozen times (half of those times by Lauren) and had gone over the contract five times herself and twice more with Trick. So with little fanfare, she moved out of the Light owned apartment she’d verbally referred to as ‘home’ only a handful of times to an equally nice but admittedly homier spot just inside the border of the Dark’s territory.

That had been nearly a year and a half ago and after a bumpy first few months where she was _convinced_ Evony was going to do something to the contract, she’d settled in quite nicely. She was particularly eased after the Morrigan pointed out that while the Ash’s pretended to be ignorant of Lauren’s contributions to their world, she wasn’t anywhere near as obtuse about not defecating where one ate and recognized that while Lauren had the closest thing to free she was going to get while the two systems were still politically at such hostile odds, it was really _Evony_ who was getting the better end of the deal. She’d even casually thrown out that if Hale had pestered her long enough about it; she probably would have acquiesced to even fewer restrictions. So Lauren had stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop and eventually it felt like it wasn’t even there to worry about.

She even had a social life that consisted of more than lingering a bit too long at the Dal or dropping by the clubhouse on pretense of delivering information. Naturally she spent much of her social life with the ‘Happy Sunshine Gang’ as Tamsin (who constantly pretended at being disgruntled at her inclusion) called them, but there had been occasions that were not infrquent, where she’d gone out for drinks with some of the techs at the lab. The Dark were much more lax in their views on human-fae interaction though it wasn’t as if her problems had vanished altogether. She saw the way some of the scientists under her watched her with barely concealed disgust and it was hardly irregular to hear whispers at her back or have backhanded comments thrown her way.

The doctor had expected a much more jarring welcome into the Dark Fae community in all honesty. Yes, the Dark were much more loose in their definitions of laws and social behaviors but they could be just as virulently anti-human as some of the Light. More so even, but somehow the worst that had happened were the snide remarks and black looks. Bo suggested that it had just been what Evony was talking about with Hale; that none of her subjects would dare to try anything if they considered her property of the Morrigan, but the succubus hadn’t been able to make her tone sound very convinced that that would hold off any altercations indefinitely. Tamsin pointed out that there wasn’t a fae in the greater metropolitan area who didn’t know about the history between the human and Bo and how word had gotten around the same with lightning speed that the succubus could chi suck a crowd, so they were minding their P’s and Q’s just in case, which Lauren was more inclined to believe but neither seemed like a completely satisfactory answer now that it had been so long.

Lauren overextended her reach for her beer again and propped herself up on one elbow to take a long drink before flopping onto her back to ponder her ceiling for a few moments while the television played commercials at twice the volume of the show she had been watching. She dug her phone out of her pocket and noting the time, contemplated on texting Bo to rescind her refusal to go out with her and Kenzi that night but decided against it. The core group of them went out together often enough and Lauren had originally declined because the other half of what Kenzi referred to as ‘Team Human,’ hadn’t spent time with Bo on her own in over a month because of some heavy caseloads and she didn’t want to trample on their much needed sisterly bonding time, but truthfully she was feeling a little bored.

Boredom had been a novel thrill the first time it had happened. She’d honestly forgotten what it was like to not _have_ to do something and had floundered for several hours before calling Tamsin to see if there were any cases she could help with. The valkyrie had laughed when Lauren explained with no small amount of embarrassment that she was _bored_ and the other blonde had collected her to take the doctor around to some of her tamer haunts in the Dark’s territory which had started the habit of the two blondes taking up each other’s company outside the dynamics of their core group. She would have called Tamsin now to see if she was up for her ever improving attempts to beat the fae woman at pool, but she knew the detective was still at work. She’d just have to suffer until Tamsin was free or until she started getting drunk texted by the dynamic duo, whichever came first (and knowing how Kenzi was, it would probably be a neck-in-neck race).

She grinned a little foolishly but unselfconsciously to herself and reveled in her ability to _be_ bored, moving back to her side when the blare of the commercials hushed back into the show; letting herself get mindlessly wrapped back up in a marathon of a procedural drama. 

Lauren had fallen into a light doze at some point because a heavy thud against her front door caused her eyes to snap open in surprise. She blearily hauled herself into a sitting position and listened for a moment, wondering if the noise was just a random or imagined happenstance but after a few quiet moments, heavy but irregular knocking prompted her to move quickly through the foyer and open the door to find Tamsin hunched over in the doorway, one side of her face mostly obscured by her hair falling in it and the other by her hand pressed to it.

“ _Seriously, Lauren_?” Tamsin uttered in an irritatedly disappointed voice, the syllables of her words swimming together and lurching slightly as she stood up straight. “How many times do I have to tell you to use that stupid ass window in the door ‘fore you jus,” she removed her hand from her face briefly to make a door opening gesture, revealing that her left cheek was terribly discolored, swollen to the point of puffing up the bottom of her eyelid and there was what looked like a gash along the line of her jaw. “Throw open the door to let any-fuckin-body get in?” the Valkyrie finished, swaying slightly and returning her hand to her face in a way that made the doctor think Tamsin felt she had to hold it together.

“God,” Lauren started, ignoring the question while frowning and reaching for the older woman to pull her inside before she keeled over. “What happened?” she let out a huff of exasperation as Tamsin swatted her away so she could come inside on her own but listed forcefully into the doorjamb with her shoulder instead. “Have you been drinking?” Lauren amended with concern as she pulled Tamsin away from the frame. The detective seemed to suddenly accept that she was in need of help and leaned heavily into Lauren for support, steadying herself against the doctor’s body with a hand on her back.

“Fuck,” Tamsin grunted as she was guided further into the small foyer so the door could be closed and from the tone, Lauren couldn’t tell if the expletive had been from pain or just a preamble to the rest of the sentence. “I wish,” she snorted. “This shit’d probly feel less like I got socked in the face by an antaeus at least.” She allowed herself to be carry-lead over to the couch where she gratefully slumped away from Lauren’s grasp and tilted her head to rest on the back of the couch, still holding onto her face.

“What happened?” Lauren repeated urgently, pulling Tamsin’s hand away from her face and wincing in sympathy when she saw how puffy and battered her cheek was up close. Whatever had happened had to have been serious. While certainly not impervious to injury or the pain it caused, it still took quite a lot of physical strength to put such visible bruising on a valkyrie.

“I got socked in the face by an antaeus.” Tamsin answered flatly.

Lauren rolled her eyes in spite of her worry and grabbed the still slightly chilled beer from the coffee table to put it in Tamsin’s hand before guiding that hand up to the swollen part of her face, only letting go when the older blonde kept the damp glass pressed to her cheek. “Is Dyson okay? Why didn’t he take you to the lab?” she stepped away, preparing to go to the kitchen to get some ice properly but waiting for an answer.

Tamsin shrugged a shoulder and pulled the beer away from her face to drink the rest of its contents until Lauren made a wordless noise of almost parental condemnation and she rested it lightly back on her cheek. “I dunno how he is, he wasn’t there. S’was after work.”

“Why didn’t _you_ go to the lab then?”

“I was close by."

Lauren sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. Tamsin was the most stubborn person about hospitals she had ever met and she’d often ended up miraculously ‘close by’ when she really needed actual medical treatment. The only time Lauren ever heard of her going into one of the labs when she wasn’t working was if Bo or Dyson were there to physically force her (and she was in bad enough shape to _be_ physically forced). 

“How far away was ‘ _just in the area’_ this time?” she snatched the now empty bottle the detective had drained while she had her eyes closed but it was too late to do anything but glare disapprovingly now. 

Tamsin lifted her head and squinted at the human, looking genuinely offended for a brief moment. “I _was_ just in the area. I was on my way here to see if you wanted to keep getting your ass kicked at the pool hall.” She said honestly.

“ _Tamsin_ ,” Lauren hissed with belated fuming panic. “You _drove_ here? Like this? You _clearly_ have a severe concussion,” she sucked in a shaky breath to calm her tone a little, realizing that she was getting loud and yelling at a concussed person wasn’t the best idea. “You can’t even _walk_ and you _drove_ that three ton safety hazard? You are the most _pigheaded_ ,” she let interrupted herself with a loud expulsion of air and to put the empty beer bottle on the coffee table forcefully, giving herself a moment before she said something she’d regret in the heat of her worry. “You could have _killed_ yourself!”

Tamsin hummed thoughtfully, not unused to Lauren’s angry concern when she was very visibly hurt. “ _That’d_ suck.” She agreed amiably and moving her palm back up to the maroon and black blossom of broken blood vessels under the skin on her face. “You’d miss this since I’m on my last cycle.”

“Fuck you,” Lauren vented with hurt exasperation. “You’re not funny.”

Tamsin had the good sense to immediately feel contrite, knowing immediately by the language rather than the tone that she’d seriously scared the human and had crossed a line by being far too flippant. She struggled for a moment to sit upright normally, swaying back and forth when the room started to spin slightly. “I was just kidding, doc.” The valkyrie said apologetically, dropping one hand away from her face and extending the other towards the doctor. “Honestly I was already here.” She rolled her eyes when the human didn’t move and then winced when the injured half of her face protested violently by sending a stab of pain to her eye. “I was walking; there weren’t any spaces and I parked on the other end of the block.” Lauren stared at her skeptically for a second before a look of relief loosened her tightly wound posture and she let Tamsin beckon her over, sitting on the couch close to her and pushing her hair away from the uninjured side of her face 

“You’re _not_ funny.” Lauren repeated.

Tamsin dropped her head back against the headrest again and shrugged a shoulder. “I’m a little funny.” Her eyes fluttered closed briefly as a rush of drowsiness suddenly consumed her but opened them again to ask Lauren to repeat whatever she had just said.

“I asked if you were feeling tired.” She said even though her expression indicated she’d already gotten her answer. “You can’t sleep Tamsin, you have a severe concussion.” 

“Tch. You always say that. Just gimme some aspirin or something and I’ll nap it off.”

Lauren rolled her eyes and stood up, pulling the other woman by the shoulders to sit up as she rose. “It’s serious enough that I’m not going to let you go to sleep.” She started running down the list of symptoms indicating the severity of the concussion like that was going to convince her. “You’re slurring, you’re clearly dizzy—I’m going to check your eyes properly once I get some ice, but if your pupils are even, I’ll be surprised—You’re agitated,”

“I’m always agitated.” Tamsin interrupted as if that one fact was enough to be left alone.

“And you just looked like you were about to fall asleep.” Lauren continued as if the other woman hadn’t said anything. She leaned Tamsin forward until she sitting upright independently of the back of the couch, hoping that if she had to support herself vertically on her own, it would help her stay awake. “You should really be monitored at the lab for the next twenty-four hours, but,”

“I’d rather break a Diomedian mare.” The valkyrie interjected crossly, resting her forearms on her thighs and leaning her weight onto them while dropping her head slightly.

“ _But_ ,” the human went on. “We’ve been through this enough that I know what kind of Sisyphean task that is. I just feel compelled as a doctor to point out when you’re being an idiot.” 

Tamsin let out a short laugh but quelled it when it seemed that it invited a throbbing headache. “That the medical term for it, doc?”

“No,” Lauren admitted wryly. “That’s the polite term. I’ll be gone less than five minutes so _do not_ rest your eyes for any reason until I come back, understood?”

“Yes, dear.” Tamsin replied sarcastically.

“Good enough.” Lauren sighed, hopeful that if the detective was okay enough to be snide, she’d be okay enough to stay awake on her own for five minutes. She leaned down to Tamsin’s bent head and dropped a kiss near her hairline. “I’ll be right back.”

“Bring aspirin.” Tamsin reminded, bringing up her hand to rub at her right temple.

Lauren debated momentarily on whether or not she should turn off the television; concussed people needed rest both physically and mentally and the forgotten device was too stimulating on too many levels but she ultimately left it on as she moved towards the kitchen, hoping that the things she needed to keep Tamsin away from for the next day would help her stay awake while she wasn’t watching her. Leaving only the light under the hood of the stove to illuminate what she was doing, Lauren set about the all too familiar task of putting together things to take care of her friend’s injuries.

But _were_ they friends? They were definitely something. What they were was so undefined that it had actually become a source of regular joke material for Kenzi. They weren’t dating but had gone on (undefined, but understood) dates. They hadn’t done anything in bed together but actually sleep, though Lauren was fairly certain that no one had as many hormonal make out sessions or rounded second base with people they were _just friends_ with as often they did. With the exception of Bo…well, and maybe Kenzi if she drank enough Corralejo. Lauren wasn’t exactly sure why they stayed in this undefined spot since it just got more and more difficult to apply the breaks when things were escalating between them. She wasn’t actually sure why they _did_ apply breaks, but it was just some unspoken agreement they’d always adhered to.

She was fairly certain that if she brought the topic up, Tamsin would talk about it, but she knew the fae woman wouldn’t bring it up on her own and Lauren had even stopped herself in the recent past from bringing it up. She was reluctant; they both were. Maybe it was because they had never actually spoken about their feelings for one another. Not seriously or directly, at any rate. Lauren was certain Tamsin was hesitant for predictably Tamsin-esque reasons, but she herself was often unintentionally forward with women and if the other woman seemed skittish, she usually did the instigating but things were unfamiliarly different with Tamsin.

To this day, the doctor wasn’t sure who had initiated that first kiss three months ago no matter how much she tried to remember. She remembered they were talking (but not about what) while walking down the hallway to Tamsin’s apartment so she could change before they met up with the rest of their friends for the night. And then her memories jerked sharply into them being just inside the closed door of the small loft with their lips and tongues moving against each other; her nails digging into the exposed skin above Tamsin’s hips and the valkyre’s hands tugging roughly through her hair. Judging from the shared look of aroused disorientation when they finally did pull apart, Tamsin likely wouldn’t know who’d started it either.

Lauren wondered often if she was just leery of a relationship even though she and Bo had split amicably—even reluctantly. Lauren had been exasperated by and hurt for Bo as she fought against her nature as a succubus constantly. She was an inherently polyamorous being forcing herself into a frame she felt was so expected of her, that she’d convinced herself it was what she wanted. For a while Lauren had persuaded Bo to have other partners so long as none of them were Dyson (which may have been unfair of her to ask, but given how Dyson had treated her even when Bo had come into their lives, she still didn’t think it had been unreasonable); and that was fine for a while, but Bo would inevitably mire herself down in guilt over not being a certain way she thought Lauren wanted despite the blondes own protestations and finally it had just gotten to be one repeating cycle too many and Lauren had explained that she thought it best that Bo worked on what she felt it meant to be succubus and cease the seemingly endless self-flagellation and the unintentional emotional upset she caused to everyone around her while fighting with herself.

After a few hours of intense discussion and some crying, Bo had agreed and Lauren supported her in—and was proud of—her decision that neither she nor Dyson be included in a physical way while she was figuring herself out (though Dyson had been less than thrilled) and these days, Lauren had never seen her more healthy or sure of herself. Sure, since it was no longer being cultivated and tended to, their love for each other had morphed into something else but it hadn’t diminished at all so it wasn’t as if she had been burned by her last relationship. In fact, since becoming ward of the Morrigan and gaining more freedoms, Lauren had actually gone on a number of dates before she’d ever even felt the inkling of something more than platonic affection for Tamsin. She’d been shocked and wary the first time she’d been asked out by a fae—Evony’s secretary of the week—the Light would have never permitted such a thing and she knew that the Dark were more lax but she hadn’t realized just how much until she seemed to have no want for admirers.

Lauren wasn’t vain, but she wasn’t naïve either and knew on some level that she was attractive. Before she’d started dating Nadia it wouldn’t have been untrue to describe her as a heartbreaker though Lothario she was not. During her slavery under the Light though, she’d come to develop rather low self-esteem, understandably. Before Bo, the few times anyone showed her any unmasked interest, it had always been secretive and even though the idea hadn’t even appealed to her until meeting the succubus, the potentiality for a relationship was exactly none. That wasn’t an issue with the Dark (so long as no one had children) and after an initial period of confusion, doubt, and overdue anger at noticing just how much the Light had broken her; Lauren had been more herself than she had in years.

Even when she noted she was looking at Tamsin in a different way, she didn’t feel like she had to do anything about it. She had been enjoying her freedom in all respects, but after that kiss that left her feeling like her entire body was thrumming with electricity, she’d left off with anyone else. Of course she didn’t comment on it, but after that kiss she never saw Tamsin out with anyone or heard her mention anyone and for someone who enjoyed the frequent ribald game of sexual one-upmanship with Bo as much as she did, that was saying something.

Though Lauren was usually fairly vocal about her amorous feelings, she was also a big believer in backing them up with action and since neither of them ever discussed anything concretely, their whole dynamic was full of action so she was almost as sure of Tamsin’s feelings as she was of her own and yet they didn’t move forward. It was an easy out to place their stagnation on Tamsin who readily admitted to her belief that she was not relationship (or ‘feelings’) material, but that would be unfair and wrong to boot. Tamsin had proven over and over again since she’d become part of their core group and not one of its adversaries that she was definitely feelings material. In fact, she was more feelings than thought which was what caused her to make so many rash and foolhardy decisions. It followed that if she was not only capable but also exemplary of one, it was probably true for the other as well. 

But _probably_ was an uncomfortable notion. Since Bo, Lauren hadn’t felt the need to consider anything more than a casual relationship with anyone until her feelings for Tamsin decided to go down the amative road. Where ‘probably’ had been fine and even preferred, now it made her reluctant. As Lauren opened the first aid kit under the sink to briefly verify its contents, she was hit with the sudden realization that what she could have been missing was that it was perfectly plausible and true to her character that Tamsin was only being reluctant because _she_ was 

Lauren frowned at the thought as she moved back into the living room to find Tamsin vertical, but leaning back against the couch, her head tilted back and her eyes closed; clearly asleep. She unloaded her burden on the coffee table quickly while glancing at the clock on the entertainment center. She’d been out of the room exactly six minutes and apparently the statement she only had to keep herself awake for five had been taken seriously. Lauren gripped the Valkyrie by her upper arm and shook her none too gently but not hard enough to rattle her head around, leaning over to call her name loudly and urgently.

“Fuck off,” Tamsin mumbled angrily after a moment and jerking her arm back, failing to get out of the grip around it. “I’m sleeping.”

“I’m aware.” Lauren replied, not lowering the volume of her voice as Tamsin was prone to talking in her sleep and had on numerous occasions carried on parts of coherent conversation when her sleep-contributions matched up with the language everyone else was speaking so it was possible she wasn’t even grudgingly awake. “And now you need to not be.” She grabbed the valkyrie’s forearm with her free hand and started to haul her back to a sitting position, sighing gratefully when Tamsin came up more or less easily; indicating by lack of deadweight that she was actually awake.

The detective squeezed her eyes shut tighter and flopped the right side of her face into her hand while resting her elbow on her knee. “Do I at least get aspirin if you won’t let me sleep this off?”

“You mean if I won’t let you do permanent injury to yourself?” Lauren returned airily while rifling through the first aid kit. “I’d let you sleep if you weren’t talking like you’ve been drinking Kenzi’s jungle juice and I’ve not checked your pupil dilation yet.” She recited like she was remembering lines from a script—which she was. She had variations on themes of this conversation with both Tamsin and Kenzi every time either of them got knocked in the head too hard.

“You’re coherent, which is promising.” She put a couple of tablets in the other woman’s outstretched hand, not bothering to tell her aspirin would worsen the bruising so she’d given her something else, and started to hand her the glass of water she’d brought but by the time she picked it up, Tamsin had already swallowed the pills dry. “Let me check the possibilities of a zygomatic fracture, clean you up a little, and if your pupils are even I promise I’ll only make you stay awake until you have better balance and speech than an exhausted toddler.”

“Your bedside manner is for shit.” Tamsin grumbled good-naturedly and sat up straighter, finally opening her eyes. “I hope you don’t talk to all your patients like this.” 

“Just you.” Lauren admitted honestly with a smile as she checked Tamsin’s good eye with the penlight first and once she was satisfied, moved to the other eye. Already knowing the routine, Tamsin widened her eyes as far as she was able without having to be told and resisted squinting when Lauren moved the light back and forth across her vision. Nodding her satisfaction at the results, Lauren guided Tamsin’s head to tilt to the side by tucking her fingers gently under the valkyrie’s chin and carefully pushed her hair behind her shoulder. “Are you seeing okay out of this eye?”

“Same as ever except that hump of swollen meat in my periphery.” 

Lauren nodded and noted that while her cheek was bulged with inflammation, it hadn’t changed shape at all. “Any pain in your jaw when you move it? 

Tamsin shook her head but then opened and closed her mouth exaggeratedly a few times just to make sure. “So whaddya think?” she asked, her tone having shaken some of its surliness. “M’I ever gonna model again, doc?”

“I don’t think anything’s broken.” Lauren said with a laugh and pulling out some cleaning agents and unguent for the cut on her jawline. “But you _are_ going to have to come to the lab for an x-ray to make sure.” 

“Those things cause cancer.” The Dark Fae tried with a sour face.

“Valkyrie’s don’t get cancer.” Lauren shot back, unfazed. “This is going to sting a little.” She cleaned away the dried blood from the cut and pleasantly found that it had looked much worse than it was. “What made you get into a fight with an antaeus anyway?”

“I didn’t say I got into a fight,” Tamsin informed her grouchily. “I _said_ I got socked in the face.”

Lauren rolled her eyes and carefully smoothed a thin layer of unguent over the cut. “Of course; why did they sock you in the face, then?”

The valkyrie shrugged, looking uncomfortable and took the fabric ice bag being handed to her, flinching when she set it on her tender face and leaned back to get more comfortable. “Why do antaei do anything?” she shrugged and scooted over unnecessarily to make room for Lauren to sit down on the otherwise empty couch. “He was mad.”

“Do you know _why_ he was mad?”

Tamsin grinned and then winced when the action pulled the skin on her cheek too tight. “Yeah; I’d dropped him headfirst into a hydrant not too far from where I parked.”

Lauren frowned. Antaei weren’t any bigger than the average human but they were incredibly strong and resilient; more than even the average troll, but only if at least one of their feet was touching the ground. Whatever made Tamsin even attempt to challenge one, it had to have been something important since she’d risked exposing her wings in public, even though it had been close to midnight when she collided with the door. “Do you think he’s coming back?” she definitely wasn’t equipped to deal with a pissed of antaeus with only a concussed Valkyrie and her usual backup on the other side of town and certainly in no position to get there.

“Nah,” the fae replied, sounding pleased with herself. “I’ll be surprised if I ever see him around here again.”

“What started the,” she rolled her eyes at Tamsin’s pointed look and amended herself midsentence. “What prompted the head dropping?”

“We had a disagreement is all.” 

“About what?” Lauren asked suspiciously.

“What else but my sparkling personality?” She answered dryly, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

“Tamsin…” 

“I kinda know the guy.” She started. “He bodyguards for Evony a lot; just a total jackass and always running his mouth. I warned him just like everyone else and he thought I was kidding, I guess.” Tamsin shrugged. “I saw him when I got out of the truck and I know he doesn’t have any business over here so we got into it and he said some shit and…” she lifted her free hand and brought it down quickly on her thigh with a slap. 

Lauren regarded the valkyrie carefully; aware that while she was certain Tamsin was telling the truth, she was being deliberately vague. However, she’d slipped a bit of information in that implied Lauren knew something she didn’t so asked about it. “Everyone else?” 

Tamsin squirmed in her seat for a moment before sighing in defeat. “Yeah,” she replied slowly and reluctantly. “I, uh… you know how you were worried about Dark Fae coming around to fuck with you when you first got here?”

“I do.” The doctor affirmed cautiously. “You didn’t,”

“No.” she cut off quickly before looking away. “Not at first.”

“What do you mean by ‘not at first’?” Lauren tried to catch the valkyrie’s gaze, but Tamsin pretended to busy herself by removing the ice from her face and lightly pressing the back of her hand to the spot as if she were checking to see if the swelling had gone down.

“Me and Bo were both right what we said when you first moved in.” Tamsin began to absentmindedly rearrange ice cubes through the cloth of the bag. “Everyone was too scared of what Evony might do, we’ve all seen her lose it on someone she feels is disrespecting her and it’s never been any secret the kinds of things Bo’s capable of when you’re in danger so everyone was just kinda holding their breath at first to see how things went.”

“And how did they go?”

Tamsin rolled her shoulders like they were suddenly sore and set the ice bag back on her face. “I don’t want you to think it was a lot of people, doc, okay? It wasn’t. Most of the Dark was happy to have you; there was always this passive-aggressive threatfest between the Ash and the Morrigan any time we wanted something you’d done available to _all_ fae and they held back a lot of important shit just to have bargaining chips so naturally a lot of us were pleased they wouldn’t be able to do that anymore, at least not with you.

“Anyways, anyone who remotely pays attention to politics knew you’d do better over here. We’ve got much better shit in our archives but we don’t have the kind of broad knowledge expertise to use it. But you do. If I had known Hale was going to trade your contract, I would have told him to push hard for more, Evony was prepared to compromise on _a lot_.”

“I think he thought it best to not say anything in case the negotiations didn’t go well.” Lauren pointed out as a way to absolve Hale from any lingering ill feelings Tamsin might have about him as well as assuage the guilt she heard in the other blonde’s voice.

Tamsin nodded in agreement. “It was the smartest thing to do. If you ever tell _anyone_ I said this, I’ll deny it and point out I had a traumatic head injury at the time, but he would have made a really good Ash. 

“It goes with me to the grave.” Lauren promised, smiling when Tamsin finally looked at her again with a soft expression.

“It better. So, most everyone was pretty pleased about the arrangement but you know how the Dark is, we’re not exactly averse to expressing any kind of hostile feelings, even if we don’t act on them. And there were some people who weren’thappy at all with the idea of a human not only in charge of a bunch of fae but one who also had a restricted level access to the archives.”

The doctor felt a sudden compulsion to be touching the valkyrie and grabbed Tamsin’s free hand in hers, their fingers twining together automatically. “I think there’s some of those in the lab, actually.”

“There are,” Tamsin confirmed reluctantly. “That’s where I started to hear shit that was more than just pissed off posturing. No one was gonna do anything that would risk certain wrath of the Morrigan, but they were definitely discussing where the edges of that certainty were so I told them, and anyone else I’d hear, that if they did _anything_ …” she trailed off and lifted one shoulder. “Doesn’t matter what I said, they know me. Every once in a while though, one of them would test my sincerity and, I guess, here we are.” 

They fell silent and Lauren outlined Tamsin’s profile with her eyes as the fae leaned her head back against the couch again, closing her eyes and simultaneously starting to stroke the skin on Lauren’s hand under her thumb to let her know she wasn’t sleeping. Lauren wanted to ask what the antaeus had said to set her off, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know the answer. How many times had she patched the valkyrie up after she’d gotten hurt looking out for her and she just hadn’t asked the right questions? Why had she felt the need to do it in the first place?

It made sense that Tamsin would threaten people on her behalf; once she warmed up to people and they to her, she was fiercely protective. What seemed unusual was that she hadn’t told anyone; especially knowing that it had been a concern. Was what was being planned so bad that Tamsin didn’t want to scare her? She wasn’t sure because while Tamsin _had_ said people were afraid of Evony, Lauren had yet to do anything that tested the boundaries of the Morrigan’s punishment system in regards to her so she didn’t know what Evony would find permissive should anything happen to her. 

She’d known inside the first five hours of Lachlan’s ascension to the position of Ash what to not do, right down to the fact that she was to either not even meet his gaze at all or keep her head lowered if she did if she didn’t want either a backhand to the face or to be made to kneel in deference for any period of time. When she had thrown her shackle at him in an act of frustrated defiance, she had very seriously put life and limb in danger and the following beating and regulation to the dungeon cell had been a slap on the wrist in comparison to what could have happened; but Evony seemed to just care whether or not Lauren was doing anything subversive, which she hadn’t had a reason to. So she didn’t know what could be done to her before it was considered ‘too much.’ Maybe it was bad enough that Tamsin didn’t want her to think about it. It was possible. Despite Evony being lenient to the point of indulgence and questionably amicable with her, she’d killed Dark Fae simply for the crime of being any kind of perceived obstacle so how far would it go when Lauren was only human?

The motions on her hand started to stutter with irregularity as Tamsin began falling asleep again and Lauren tugged the valkyrie by the hand sharply, bringing her back to awareness and smiling permissively at the resulting annoyed groan as the older woman sat up. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Lauren asked, deciding that even if the answer were horrific, it would definitely be better knowing.

Tamsin hummed in a questioning tone like she didn’t know what Lauren was talking about before turning her head away briefly but Lauren had already caught the embarrassed expression before she could fully cover it up. “I dunno,” she said in a tone that indicated she did but needed to sound like it was something she hadn’t thought about. “I know everyone was worried about what might happen, but like I said, it wasn’t a lot of people and,” she tilted her head and gaze toward the ceiling like what she wanted to say was written on the mahogany slats above them. “I thought it would… I don’t know, _prove_ something, yanno? But it was stupid.” Tamsin looked at her ruefully but the doctor couldn’t figure out what she was sorry for.

“Prove what?” Lauren pressed, feeling displeased. She thought they’d broken Tamsin of the habit of doing foolhardy things to prove herself to them ages ago and all her rash decisions were now a result of her unwillingness to think about things instead of _doing_ things. “You don’t still think you don’t belong?” she squeezed Tamsin’s hand gently, her tone worried.

Tamsin chuckled like she hadn’t even considered that and shook her head. “No, nothing like that.”

“What then?”

The detective sucked her teeth and shook her head, putting the ice bag in her lap to get the blood to circulate back in her arm. “It’s stupid.” She insisted.

Lauren rolled her eyes. “Tell me anyway; maybe I can figure out how to keep you less injured on a regular basis.”

Tamsin sighed and leaned back. “You _sure_ you wanna do this, Lauren?”

The human tilted her head at the complete change in tone. Tamsin’s voice had been gentle but held an underlying note she couldn’t place but it made it seem like Tamsin was asking something important but it was okay if Lauren said no, and she felt like a heavy decision had been made as she nodded.

Tamsin nodded back and carefully removed her hand from Lauren’s, sitting up a little straighter and finding some imaginary fuzz to pick at on the ice bag. “I felt like,” she started, her voice uncharacteristically quiet and dulcet. “If I did it on my own, you’d notice. But, it was stupid since I hadn’t actually _told_ anyone what was happening,” she kept glancing at the doctor furtively with every pause as if trying to gauge her reaction without calling to attention that’s what she was doing. “So I also _didn’t_ want you to know. I didn’t wanna fuck everything up if you noticed and you just…” she trailed off with a shrug indicating she wasn’t going to continue.

“Notice what, Tamsin?” Lauren asked, her voice soft as if she was worried she was going to frighten the other woman.

The valkyrie’s whole expression crumpled in on itself for a flicker of a second like she was trying to avoid a blow but when it evened out again, there was just apologetic honesty on her face. “I’m kinda in love with you, doc.”

“You,” Lauren started automatically before her brain finally caught up to why her whole body had suddenly flushed with warmth. Tamsin smiled sheepishly and nodded. Lauren vaguely heard herself utter ‘oh thank god’ under her breath closing the distance between them to kiss her as though she felt like compelled by some impetus that was pushing heavily against her rather than it being a conscious reaction.

Lauren let herself get lost in the familiar territory of kissing Tamsin and though the meeting of their lips and tongues had initially been excitedly frantic, it quickly turned serenely languid and when a longing hum was pulled from the valkyrie, she felt a well of emotion settle noticeably but not exactly uncomfortably in the center of her throat. Lauren pulled away after several minutes, mindful of the fact that while she had stopped slurring some time ago, Tamsin still had a concussion and should be treated accordingly.

“I love you too,” Lauren murmured against Tamsin’s uninjured cheek near her jawline as she trailed soft kisses down the column of her neck. “If that wasn’t clear yet.” She tried and failed to resist the urge to run her tongue in a half-thought of pattern on a spot she knew was particularly sensitive, her lips curling upwards at the other blonde’s predictable response of tilting her head to one side and letting out a noise that could only be described as a half-whine, half-purr.

She chuckled lowly when Tamsin huffed out “Fuck, Lauren. At least wait until I can,” but she didn’t finish the thought as she interrupted herself to suck in a sharp breath when Lauren raked her teeth lightly over the same spot her tongue had been a second before. “Don’t be an asshole, Lewis.” Tamsin groaned petulantly and this time Lauren laughed for real, leaving a final kiss against the valkyrie’s neck and pulling back.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” the doctor asked, running a hand down the fae’s arm until she threaded their fingers together again.

Tamsin leaned back into the couch again and picked up her forgotten ice bag, resting it against her face and looking at Lauren with a slightly incredulous expression. “I didn’t know how.” She replied finally with a shrug, laying her head back. “A couple times, I thought… but you seemed really uncertain.” She laughed a little and shook her head, unknowingly confirming Lauren’s sudden epiphany in the kitchen earlier. “You know how I am about talking about shit, doc. I was just gonna fuck it up.”

Lauren smiled and shook her head. “I don’t know about that, seems like you did okay to me and I should have said something, but I know how you are about talking about shit.” She parroted, causing the valkyrie to roll her eyes and wince slightly like the last time she’d attempted the action. Lauren stood up and tugged on Tamsin’s hand to get her to follow suit. “Your speech is much better and if you can make it to the stairs without stumbling _too_ much, I’ll let you go to sleep.”

Tamsin stood up with a grateful expression and dropped the ice bag on the glass top of the coffee table with an indelicate clatter. Lauren nearly laughed at her sincere look of concentration as she carefully led the taller blonde by the hand and they made it across the room with only an occasional cant to one side. Tamsin hesitated near the bottom step and Lauren looked over her shoulder with a questioning eyebrow, turning fully in concern when she grimaced self-consciousnessly. 

“What’s wrong?” Lauren asked, moving down a step. “Are you feeling dizzy or nauseous?

“No,” the Valkyrie assured with a small shake of her head and no small amount of reluctantly displayed embarrassment in her voice. “I just…I don’t want you to think that just because…” she sighed loudly in frustration with herself before mumbling, “you want me to take the guest room, or?” 

Lauren laughed lightheartedly and squeezed her hand when Tamsin shot her a half-serious glare. “Tamsin, when have you _ever_ slept in the guest room?” she asked amusedly. “Do you even know what it _looks like_ outside of Kenzi’s complaints?”

“Your bedside manner is for shit, doc.” Tamsin grinned, following the shorter woman up the stairs with her free hand steadying herself by the railing. “I hope you don’t talk to all your patients like this.” 

“Just you. And I promise when you’re feeling better, you’ll never complain about my bedside manner again.”


End file.
